"Well, if you're going to blog again, you need to tell the people about Nashville"

 FINE, ALLYSON. But I'm not putting up ALL the pics! Just a few.

I'll spare you the boring travel details and I will gloss over the part that this was the first time I'd flown in 30 years to tell you the first thing we did when we landed in Nashville on that Monday.

It was not "go check out some live music" or even "check into the AirBnB." Rather, the first stop in Nashville: Urgent Care.

Ben did something to his knee in the weeks leading up to our trip. In typical Ben fashion, he just slapped a brace on it and hoped for the best. What he GOT was an allergic reaction to the brace that only worsened in the air. So we picked up the rental car and headed for the nearest Urgent Care. An hour later, he was given a referral to a dermatologist. Neat! We then broke our "no food we can get at home" rule and went to the first restaurant we saw, which was a Panera. 

Then we went to the Opry Mills Mall because our AirBnB wasn't ready yet. While there, we discovered that this was the home of the Nashville wing of the Madame Tussaud's wax museum. Of COURSE we stopped in.

Giving Bob Dylan the side-eye.

Playing a duet with Stevie Wonder in a picture Ben made me pose for.

I also came really close to knocking over the Elton John figure and got creeped right out by the talking (!!!) Darius Rucker figure.

Then we went to the Gibson Garage to look at guitars we'd have to sell our house to be able to afford, checked into our BnB, got some groceries (we ate most meals out but cooked our own breakfasts) and were pretty well in for the night.

Tuesday was a pretty busy day - we took a trolley tour through Nashville. We stopped at several places, including:

The Ryman Auditorium

And the Musicians Hall of Fame

We also ate at famed Nashville chicken place Hattie B's, where I forgot that most cole slaw has carrots in it until I had finished half my serving. Whoops. Then we walked up and down Broadway for a while, popped into a couple of bars for some live music. We stayed the longest at one called Legends, where we saw an up-and-coming country singer named Ryne Brashear. We're not really country music folks but he was really good!

Then we were off to Bridgestone Arena for our first NHL game. 

The Predators lost to Calgary in overtime, but it was still really fun.

Wednesday we celebrated our actual anniversary with a trip to the dermatologist for Ben. He had seen his telehealth provider on Monday night and the dermatologist pretty much told him the same thing. Then we went to the Parthenon, which was super cool. 

(not pictured: the Percy Jackson movie props I wasn't actually supposed to take pictures of.)

Then we went back to downtown Nashville to the Johnny Cash museum, which was SUPER COOL, you guys.

We also ate lunch at the attached restaurant, which was really delicious and had some awesome live music.

That evening we found ourselves back at Bridgestone Arena, this time for a concert: Journey and Toto. We were initially only interested in Toto (Steve Lukather is one of Ben's personal guitar heroes), but we ended up really loving Journey too. 

The next day, Ben dragged me to a bunch of vintage guitar shops to look for a birth-year Strat. Unfortunately, 44 year old guitars are pricey. So he ended up buying a newer guitar. At Guitar Center. Which we have in Peoria. Okay, Ben. But I'll give him the fact that the vintage guitar stores were neat. We got some pizza for lunch at a little place near our BnB, then went to the post office to mail our souvenirs home. Little life pro tip from Kris, here: If you're doing strictly carry-on and don't want to check a bag on the plane, mail your souvenirs to yourself.

Then it was dinner at Chuy's, which counted as our anniversary dinner. Because I was NOT going to let my romantic 20th anniversary dinner be a soft pretzel I crammed down my gullet between Toto's set and Journey's set. So delicious.

The next morning we got up early and set off for home. 

All in all, it was a great trip. I got to explore a city neither of us have ever been to. I got to drive down a highway that was NOT littered with construction (the joys of living in Illinois). Plus I got to spend a lot of time with my favorite person on the planet.

20 years down. Here's to an eternity more.

So we go from no posts in two years to two posts in 12 hours.

 Inconsistency, thy name is Kris.

I thought I should at least update the four of you that read this on what's been happening.

- As mentioned yesterday, we lost Ben's dad in March of 2020. After that, Ben's mom sold her house and moved into a tinier one closer to us. She's doing well, I suppose. Throwing herself into volunteering and such. She still absolutely misses Jim but she's doing as well as she can.

That's the thing with grief, you guys. It doesn't have a timetable, doesn't keep a schedule. And since it doesn't keep a schedule it certainly doesn't care about yours. It just kind of shows up whenever it darn well pleases.  So you acknowledge it, you feel it, you go about your day. You don't ignore it, that's for sure. You just deal with it in the moment.

- Allyson started high school. With the exception of English class ("I don't turn everything in, is that a problem?" WHY YES, YES IT IS) she's doing great! Found a couple of clubs to join - Leo Club (which is a volunteer organization affiliated with the Lions Club) and FACS Club (Family and Consumer Sciences; she's taking Foods this year). There was also talk of Latin Club, but they haven't had a meeting yet.

- I was diagnosed with mild obstructive sleep apnea and now require a CPAP when I go to sleep. Ben says I look like an aardvark when I wear it. Plus side is it blocks off enough of my nose so I don't have to smell night farts anymore.

- I'm into K-Pop now! Just one band, Stray Kids. Not that you asked but Changbin is my bias. Go stream the new album, Maxident.

- Um... was that it?

- Wait, no, I'm the Director of Early Childhood at church now. This pretty much means I'm in charge of programming, curriculum, and scheduling teachers for kids ages nursery through kindergarten. I also launched a preschool worship service a year ago in June. It's strictly volunteer but I am loving it.

- That was it, I think.

- Nope, I lied, we added to our collection of pets. After Franklin died in July 2020, we'd been talking about another dog. In May of this year, Ben's cousin was trying to find a home for this six-year-old chihuahua mix she couldn't take care of anymore. Long story short, that's how we ended up with Rosie. She and Barb have finally figured out how to get along. 

- NOW that's it.

- No it isn't. I told you, inconsistent. Anyway in April Ben and I celebrated our 20th (not a typo) wedding anniversary. I don't know how we've been married for 20 years considering I'm only 29. But anyway, Ally stayed with my mother-in-law and Ben and I spent five days/four nights in Nashville. We've always wanted go and we LOVED it. So much live music and stuff to do! We will definitely go back, and since we want to bring Ally we will go when she's older. We also went to a hockey game and saw Journey and Toto in concert. So much fun.

- Okay, NOW THAT'S IT.

On Shoes and Loss

I got these shoes yesterday. I do not like them.

They're fine, I suppose. They're reasonably comfortable. They didn't cost a lot. I had to get them because the dress shoes I had did not fit properly, because I panic-bought them at CVS (not a typo) the night before jury duty started. I thought I needed to dress nicely. I did not. I had to buy them because they were the only dress shoes the store had in my size (not that you asked, but 9 wide).

I do not like them for two reasons. One, they are... aesthetically displeasing. In other words, they are ugly. What's with the medallion on the toe? Am I the activities director on a cruise ship?? Yikes.

Two: I hate why I had to buy them.

Some friends lost their son last week. Griffin was 14. Not only was he Allyson's age, but he was also one of her closest friends. They met in preschool and we ended up joining their church. The services were yesterday. He was one of the neatest kids I've ever met, super intelligent and thoughtful, and loved animals of all kinds. He could solve a Rubik's cube in no time flat. He taught himself multiple musical instruments and languages and tried to get his friend group to learn German via Duolingo when everything was shut down for Covid. Allyson quit after three days. He wasn't mad, he was disappointed.

Which is like being mad.

We went to the funeral so we could be there for our friends. And at the post-service dinner, I realized a few things: 

- We love this family endlessly.

- When you love someone endlessly, you not only laugh with them in the fun times, you show up for them in the hard ones. 

- If you don't know what to say, it's okay. Sometimes all they need is a hug and to know they're loved.

- They don't care what your shoes look like. They care that you showed up for them.

- My dress had pockets. That's less important. But I was simultaneously thrilled and a little mad to discover this because I'd owned this dress for two years and discovered this yesterday.

- One should not buy shoes from a pharmacy and expect them to fit. Which, you know, should not have to be said. Usually. Pharmacy shoes are a terrible idea that is right up there with gas-station sushi.

Back in March 2020, Ben's dad died. Allyson stayed home from school the day after, and then texted her group chat - "My grandpa died yesterday and I don't know how to feel about it, which is why I wasn't at school today."

Her friends all sent condolences. And then, Griffin texted her this:

"I know how it is. It's okay to be sad."

He's right. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to be angry and confused about what happened. It's okay to ask God so many questions. He loves us. He can take it.

And He is good.

So, with Griffin's permission, I am sad. I'm sad that my friends lost their son. I'm sad that his siblings lost their brother. I'm sad that Allyson lost her friend. 

But I also have hope.

Which is better than ugly shoes any day.

 

How I Turned Dollar Store Frames into a Shadow Box

Recently I came to own a Cricut Explore Air 2. I've made a few projects with it so far. I'm not doing it for the money or anything; the market is way oversaturated as far as that goes. So I just do them for myself, family, and friends.

I saw a Christmas shadow box project on Pinterest and loved it, but empty shadow boxes are expensive as heck. So, with Google's help, I came up with a solution. And here is a quick tutorial for you. Keep in mind that I am not in any way, shape, or form a professional anything. (Professional pain in the rear, maybe. But that doesn't pay as much as you'd think.)

With that disclaimer out of the way, onward. (As an aside, Onward was a super cute movie.)

First, procure two picture frames from Dollar Tree. They should ideally be identical, but at least the same size. The frames should be a similar thickness. I suppose if you don't end up with the same color frames you could paint them. I figured I was already doing enough.

This next step is optional, but I cleaned the glass with a lens wipe first.

I cut out my vinyl. Hobby Lobby was having a half-off sale on their Paper Studio products, and I knew this gold glitter vinyl would be perfect.

(Another reason I'm not selling: I cut the top off the y. Whoops.)

Glue the glass into the frame with your adhesive of choice. Mine is Gorilla Super Glue Gel. (And it was at this point I should have cleaned the glass again. Ehh.)

Remove the glass and cardboard backing from the second frame. Put the cardboard backing on the wrong side of the paper you've chosen for your background and trace around it, then cut and glue to the cardboard (the part without the hanging stuff/easel). Then glue that into the second frame.

(I know, I know, I cut it too short. But that part's going to be covered up so whatever.)

This is a red foil Buffalo check paper I got from Hobby Lobby and I want to cover every surface in my house with it. Make sure you position it to where the easel part is sticking out of the front of the frame. 

Now (and I forgot to take pictures of this step) put your filler on this part. I used two bags of jingle bells from Dollar Tree. Then glue the frames together back to back.

And voila! A cool Christmas shadow box that costs less than an empty shadow box itself would have.

It's not perfect, obviously, but who is, you know? I love it and that's all that matters.

Quick Crafts with Kris: Cork Board Necklace Holder

I have recently come into possession of many necklaces. Not fine jewelry or anything, more like costume jewelry. My mother-in-law is hoping to move soon and is downsizing. I am getting a lot of her jewelry (and baby pictures of Ben), and Allyson is getting a lot of her shoes since they wear the same size now. (Ugh.)

One of the girl-related struggles I have always had is: Finding a decent way to store all my necklaces. I have a little jewelry armoire that sits atop my dresser, and it does have necklace hooks, but you have to pretty much fold the chains in half to get them on there.

I have an old cork board hanging over my crafting table in my bedroom. I also have an abundance of scrapbook paper (my mom works for a home health company; one of her clients is a hoarder who is also trying to downsize). And with those two things, I had an idea.

I've seen where you can decoupage craft paper to cork to make pretty bulletin boards. I do have Mod Podge. I do not have patience. So I used my handy-dandy stapler instead.

So here it is, step-by-step (with pictures!):

1. I ordered some of these push-pin hooks.  These will obviously be used to hang the necklaces on.

(Bonus: Barbara head. Hi, Barbara.)

2. Figure out how to detach ugly cork board from wall, where it has been attached with Command strips. Ultimately decide to leave it where it is.

I guess some people would call this "well-loved." It's just ugly, guys.

3. Select two styles of scrapbook paper - one sheet of a pattern and two sheets of a coordinating solid. Staple the solid sheets to the cork board. You can probably get away with stapling one full sheet and then trimming the other to fit, like I did.

Don't worry if it's not perfect. You're the only one that's gonna really care.

4. Position the patterned sheet as close to in the center as you can get it. Staple that baby right on there.

5. Stick in your hooks and hang your necklaces. Try to leave ample room. Or not. Do whatever, just don't come crying to me if your stuff gets tangled.

Voila!  (And yes. Yes, that IS an Iron Man Arc Reactor necklace. I'm quite proud of it.)

See? A pretty display for my necklaces, and minus the time it took for the hooks to get here it took me all of five minutes.

And now, I'm gonna go bug my giant child. Well, not giant. She's over five feet tall now, at any rate. 

Three Times I Mom-Voiced God

Two years is a long time to go between updates. I know this. And, well, I don't have a good excuse.

In that time, I have found out that my esophagus issues have a name! Esophagitis. It's basically an inflammation of the esophagus caused by an allergic reaction to... something. So I went through the allergy testing and while we never did find out what is causing the esophagitis, I did find out I'm allergic to carrots and maple. So goodbye forever, maple-glazed carrots.

Also Ben got a huge raise and I got to quit my job and become a stay-at-home mom. Which has been really awesome.

Anyhow, the point of this post has to do with my walk with God, and three specific times I drew closer to Him while using the Mom-Voice on him.

Anyone with kids knows what the Mom-Voice is. It's that tone of voice you use when your kids are really getting on your last good nerve. "Allyson Joy, you'd better knock it off or I swear to you I will sell you for a cornchip." (Is something I have never said. Okay, maybe I have.)

You've used it on your kids. You have probably used it on other peoples' kids. (I became infamous for it at last year's Vacation Bible School - you know, when we were all still allowed out in public.) You've used it on your husbands, and if you tell me you haven't you're a liar, probably.

But have you ever Mom-voiced God?

I have.

The first time was early January 2008. I had just found out I was pregnant the day after Christmas. Ben and I had been married for five and a half years at that point, and were actively trying for a baby for four of them. I had all but given up when I came down with what I thought was a particularly nasty, lengthy flu bug. A few days after the doctor confirmed it, I started bleeding. The OB said that some light spotting would be normal.

I was not "lightly spotting." I was bleeding. If I hadn't known I was pregnant, I would've thought I was on my period. So, barely a mother, I pulled out the Mom-Voice. "Are you kidding me?" I remember saying. "I finally get to have a baby, and now you're just gonna... take it away from me? You cannot be serious right now."

But God, as He does, was very patient with me. After the initial scolding I prayed to Him - please help me, please help keep my baby safe. I felt this overwhelming sense of peace afterwards, almost as if I could just barely hear someone say, "Nothing is going to happen to you or your baby. You'll both be fine."

And He was right. Soon after, I stopped bleeding. The OB was amazed - "you should not still be pregnant right now," he said. "But, uh, everything looks good."  And except for a bout of preeclampsia at the tail-end, the pregnancy progressed normally and the child they feared lost will be 12 years old in two months' time.

The second time was spring 2017. Allyson was in third grade. She'd always had some trouble paying attention in school, but her teachers always shrugged it off to immaturity (she is one of the youngest kids in her grade) and age. They all reassured us she'd grow out of it. When she got to third grade her teacher called a special conference with us and, once again, talked of her problems with her attention span. We asked her the same question we'd asked her previous teachers - "Do you think she'll grow out of it."

She looked right at us and said, "No. I don't. Look, my daughter has ADHD and Allyson has some of the same behaviors she did when she was diagnosed. You may want to have her tested, just to see."

So we had her tested. And sure enough... she has ADHD.

The day we found out, she had a Girl Scout meeting right after her appointment. "So I have ADHD?" she asked.

"Yeah, kiddo."

"Huh. Okay." And out of the car and to her meeting she went.

I pulled into a parking spot as far away from the door of the church where her meetings were as I could, parked the car, and sobbed. And then... out came the Mom-Voice.

"Are you serious right now?" I yelled. "I pray for this kid, I almost lose her at the beginning, you finally let me keep her and... and now she's broken?"

Almost immediately I could hear, just faintly: "She's not broken. I picked you to be her mother for a reason."

Now what that reason was, I didn't see at the time. But He was right. God makes us in His image, and He chooses our parents for a reason.  I knew that I had to take a deep breath, pull myself together, and ask God to help me parent this precious little girl. And besides, it didn't seem to be bothering her. You know, the person who was actually diagnosed with it? So why should it bother me?

It hasn't been without its speed bumps. But with the right medication and some gentle reminders she's thriving. All A's and B's in school, she's got lots of friends and she's super caring and generous (and super goofy). She's an excellent guitar player and she's very social (so of course all this quarantine is bugging her). Allyson is a good kid, and with God's help I am being the best mom I can be for her.

the third time? November 2019. I had been feeling... well, off. I'd always been a worrier. It was a common joke in my friend group: "If you have anything to worry about, just tell Kris about it. She'll worry so you don't have to!" I come from a long line of worriers. It was just the way I was.

But it had gotten even worse. I wasn't sleeping, because I was up all night worrying and thinking and worrying about thinking. I was just unbearably sad about everything, too. I hid it well, because I didn't want people to worry about me.

It hit me one day: I don't have to live like this. I don't have to be this way.

So I talked to my doctor and was diagnosed as having mild depression and moderate-to-severe anxiety. Well, okay. I officially knew what was wrong with me. I should have been relieved, right?

But, nope. I sat there, in the parking lot, and trotted out the Mom Voice again. I just looked up and said: "Really? Really?!" And, as per my nature, I worried. I worried about how I was going to tell Ben, what he would think of me for having a broken brain. What Ally would think of me, what kind of parent I would be with this diagnosis.

I drove home, and past my church. There at the corner where my church sat, God spoke to me.

I've got this, He said. Give me your worries, you'll be okay.

And it took a little time - and medication, and therapy, and lots of prayer, but: I think I'm okay.  I feel better than I have in a long time. My relationship with God is better than ever.

There's one thing I've learned, and it's that God wants you to turn to Him. You can use the Mom-Voice if it makes you feel better, but He loves you and wants the best for you and cares for you.

I still have a ways to go, but: I'm okay. Finally.

Things that have happened since I last updated this thing four? Yes. Four. Four months ago.

That cough I had? Lasted two months. It was some sort of lung inflammation that I think was actually caused by acid reflux.

Oh yeah. The saga of the Acid Reflux. Early January, I was eating dinner and it got stuck. Just stuck, right there in my esophagus. So I went to the ER. They couldn't do much since they didn't have a GI doctor on staff. So they transferred me (by ambulance, ugh) to a different hospital, where I had to have an emergency endoscopy to get the food un-stuck. Then three weeks later I had to have another endoscopy to figure out what's going on. Long story short, I have a combo of acid reflux (which I am on meds for; hasn't bothered me since) and something called a Schatzki ring. That's where your esophagus inexplicably narrows near the bottom. So I get to go to the GI doctor in a few weeks to discuss our findings. Oh goody.

The good news is: We have insurance, and they paid the bulk of the bill from the ER visit and the two endoscopies. The bad news is: I still owe almost a grand for a 20-minute ambulance ride I didn't even want to take. Ugh.

What else, what else... Allyson needs braces. We go for a consultation with the ortho on Monday. So that's more money I won't have haha.

Ben and I saw Black Panther. It's awesome. They moved the release date for Avengers: Infinity War up to April 27. Our wedding anniversary is April 27. Coincidence? Probably. But I'm excited anyway.

Um... I get a vacation in April. I had a week of vacation time I was told I had to use before May 10. So...that'll be nice.

OH And Ben and I are on a diet because he found out he's pretty much type 2 diabetic (like his dad and grandpa). He wants to try controlling it with diet before he goes on meds. So far he's lost like 15 pounds and I've lost 13.

That's it. I'm so boring. Ha.